Pathetically Epic
by ProfessorChaosZ
Summary: It's the first day of the Fifth Grade, and we follow a new student at South Park Elementary. Cartman is not at all impressed by him though... Please RR.


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own South Park, I just own Matt Stone and Trey Parker… I 0WNED them many times… lol. All characters are 0wned by Matt and Trey, with the exception of Dominic and Stacey (who you won't see much of in this chapter… but you will do… you will do…)**

_**CHAPTER 1 – WELCOME TO THE FIFTH GRADE**_

I walked past several of my new peers, all of whom seemed to stare at me. He noticed their eyes tracing him with every step that I took. I paid no attention to the mocking snickers that I could hear coming from a bunch of girls gathered around the swings. I let it slide for now. In my mind, I knew how to think of myself and not what anyone else would. Nothing mattered to me. It was my first day in the Fifth Grade of South Park Elementary. It was strange, but it felt as though my life before this day had not even happened. It was as if life was a book that had been incinerated up until the page of this day. I noticed a group of four boys loitering near the entrance to the school. Their stares weren't as penetrating as some of the others he had seen… well, three of them weren't. Although one boy, a rather chubby guy wearing a red jacket and a bobble hat frowned at me. Two other boys smiled at me in a welcoming manner. Another boy who had his face smothered by an orange parka simply looked at me with the same eyes as his other two friends. Whether he was smiling or not I didn't know… I walked on past, overhearing their conversation.

"Who's that douche?" the fat kid chortled.

"Shut up, fatass," the boy with the green hat retorted. "I don't know who he is, but I bet he's cooler than you."

"No way. Everyone knows I'm the coolest kid in the fifth grade. Ever since I went down the slide at the pool head-first on my back, I've been hailed as an Urban God."

"Only coz you hit the water so hard, your fat ass displaced all the water in the pool," a muffled voice from the orange parka-kid said. The rest of the boys laughed. I even let out a smirk myself.

"Shut up, Kenny." The fat kid muttered with gritted teeth.

"I wonder who that guy is?" the guy with the green hat pondered to his friend in a blue and red bobble hat with a brown jacket.

"I dunno. He seems pretty cool." The boy replied.

"Yeah… he seems pretty cool. You thought Wendy Testaburger was pretty cool too, but then she chewed you up and spat you out like the piece of crappy gum that you are, Stan."

"Shut up, Cartman." Stan shouted. I refused to listen to the argument any longer. I made my way further down the corridor when the bell rang. It was time for me to head for my new class room. I was followed in by a boy with a blonde puff-ball and a blue shirt. He smiled at me.

"H-Hey there," he murmered politely. "Gosh, I haven't seen you around here before. Are you new?"

"Yeah." I replied, looking at the somewhat naïve youngster.

"Well gee whiz, it's certainly good to have someone new to talk to. All the others seem to get bored of talking to me all the time." Poor guy. This guy must be the class's punching bag. He seemed like a nice enough person. "I'm Leopold, but everyone calls me Butters."

"Nice to meet you, Butters." I smiled at him, shaking his hand. More and more students walked past us, I lost contact with Butters due to the rampage for everyone to find a good seat. The class was rather small, but it was ample size for the amount of students. A woman in a green shirt strutted past me. By now, Butters had already taken a seat. I simply waited by the teacher's desk.

"OK, children. Let's all settle down. Welcome to the Fifth Grade. As most of you know, I'm Mrs. Garrison. That's right, MRS. Garrison. Not Mr. Garrison, he's not with us anymore. I'm MRS. GARRISON now." I assumed that either this lady was actually a man, or she had some serious issues. "Now children, as we are now in fifth grade, we have to apply a seating plan. We have to seat you in accordance now, so everyone come to the front of the class." The students groaned, all moving out of their seats that they all had fought for so hard early on. "Now I'll stand by your table and when I call your name, you come and sit down, alright. Let's begin. Kyle Broflovski." I looked around. It was the boy with the green hat who I saw earlier. He seemed cool enough. He was sat at the front on the far left of the direction we were facing. Mrs. Garrison moved to the next table to his/her left. "Stan Marsh." It was the boy with the blue hat. He seemed pretty cool too. There were snickers from the rest of the students. I could hear people coughing "fags" and "ass-rammers" under their voices. They both frowned at the rest of the class, who were all sniggering. Particularly the one they call "Cartman". Next "Butters Scotch" was the name that the teacher said out loud. He took a seat next to Stan. She moved to the next table. "Ah, here's the new student. Dominic James. Dominic, could you please introduce yourself to the class?" I stepped forward, unnerved.

"Sure, I guess." I smiled to Mrs. Garrison. "My name is Dominic James. I am nine years old, ten next month. I just moved here from Montana. My interests include meditation, psychic power and telekinesis." The class was silent, then all of a sudden burst out laughing. The only ones who did not laugh were Butters, Stan, Kyle, Mrs. Garrison and some girl I noticed with hair as long and black as my own. She was incredibly pretty, but I did not look at her for long. "SHUT UP!" I let my voice boom through the class. Everyone fell silent in shock. I cracked a sadistic grin… my fists clenched. I could feel my eyes pulsing with anger. I suddenly shook my head, snapping out of the trance I was falling into… like before…

"OK, thank you Dominic. You'll be sitting next to Butters." I let out a smile. Butters seemed like a decent guy and I was happy to be sitting next to him. "Next, is Wendy Testaburger." A girl stepped forward. It was the one who did not laugh at me like the rest of them. She slid a glance towards me, which I took full notice of. I let out a small smile for her, but nothing more. I looked around the room. Stan all of a sudden had a large frown on his face. I put two and two together and came out with four straightaway. Stan obviously either had a crush on this girl or had broken up with her recently.

The role call kept on going. The rest of the children in the front row was a British lad named "Pip". He seemed even more of a punching bag than Butters. Token, the only coloured boy in the class sat next to him. He seemed pretty cool too. Then there was a nice blonde haired girl named Bebe. She was attracted to Token and I noticed them holding hands at one point. The other two children sat in the front row was a chubby-ish boy named Clyde. And then, sat with no table was a boy in a wheelchair. His name was "Timmy." I felt sorry for him. The only thing he could say, or rather shout out randomly was his own name. In the back row more students took up space. A guy named Tweek, who kept on fidgeting, a wannabe-trendy named Craig. A crippled boy called Jimmy. Two girls, one called Kelly, the other was another new student named Stacey. Another trendy named Jason. Some random guy called Kevin, who I didn't really know what to make of. Also was a guy called "Dog Poo" who was extremely messy and smelled like… well, his name. However, what intimidated me the most was the fact that there were two students sat directly behind me. Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick. It wasn't Kenny that I was woeful about. It was Cartman. I knew that this guy must be some kind of jackass who would do anything to make my first day of fifth grade a living hell. But I did not let it get to me.

"OK children, now let's start the fifth grade off with something a little productive. Within the next half an hour, I want everyone to come up with a short presentation of they did during summer." The entire class let out a huge groan. "Now children, we're back in school now and it's the fifth grade. It's going to get tough from here onwards."

"Tough like your boyfriend's penis?" Cartman laughed. Nobody else laughed with him. He fell silent. "You guys are so fcking weak, seriously," he scowled. I let out a laugh, not too loud as to cause a fuss, but loud enough for the class to hear. "And what do you find so damned funny?" Cartman shouted from behind.

"Heh heh…" I chuckled. "Oh, it's nothing really."

"No no no no no," Cartman snarled. "If you feel as though you have to disrupt MY classroom in MY time, I think we all deserve to hear what you find so amusing. If you were laughing at my joke, that's fine. If not, I'll be quite happy to rip your balls off and feed them to a swan."

"Well," I began. "If you really wanna know, I was laughing to myself upon realising just how pathetic you are, Eric. I was laughing out of sympathy for you, in a sense… because you are so pathetic it makes me want to laugh out loud. In fact, I think ALL of us want to laugh at you…" And with that, I burst out into laughter. I noticed that everyone else did too. Even Mrs. Garrison let out a small snigger. Cartman's face went red, either by embarrassment or pure fury. Everyone was laughing and pointing at him.

"Oh yeah, well screw you guys, I'm going home!" he retaliated. He got out of his seat and headed for the door, but Mrs. Garrison blocked him off.

"Eric, if you walk out of that door, you'll be in detention for a month, now sit down. Looks like someone's finally put you in your place."

"Dude, that new guy is so cool!" I heard Kyle murmur to Stan. I could also hear Token talking to Bebe about inviting me to their clubhouse or something like that… I slid my eyes to the direction of Cartman, who looked as though he was already plotting revenge. I looked back at my desk… there was a note, written neatly in black ink, which was still wet. I opened it and read it to myself…

_"You're Super Cool… And Super Cute!"_

Strange, I hadn't been in the class for fifteen minutes and already I find myself heavily respected and even admired. It seemed as though this place was going to be a lot better than Montana… it seemed to me as though I really have left all of my demons back in Montana. This is the perfect new beginning for me. As long as nothing upsets me too much, I can lead the normal life that I always wanted to live.

**_END OF CHAPTER_**

OK, I know that was kinda short, but I'm just starting out, so give a guy a break. Please R+R, any pointers would be cool! Thanks. The next chapter will be done soon!


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